Working Class' Rants

MONEY does not make the world go round, yet how does one thrive in this crazy world without it? It might be easy to say that money can't buy you happiness, nor can it buy you love. But it can pay your rent so you'll have shelter to keep you safe as well as buy you peace of mind knowing you'll know where to get your next meal. It can pay for doctors and hospitals when you get sick. It can be used to get you organic food and a healthy lifestyle. It can buy you entertainment, rest and relaxation. Most of all, it can buy you time to spend with your loved ones, and time to be on your own, to relax, and simply to enjoy life. Money may not buy you happiness but it can buy you pleasures that will make you happy. Money alone might not make you happy, but neither does having none of it. 

Why some Marriages Last Forever and Others just Go Down the Drain

Having the Disney Princesses as my first teachers, my idea of love was the typical Disney fairytale love story. Love is when a damsel in distress (me) is rescued and swept off her feet by a dashing, gorgeous, very handsome and rich prince on a white horse. Eventually,  the damsel grew up to be an independent young woman and the reality dawned on her that she gets distressed often but can very well manage her way out of a distressing situation by herself. Now where does this debonair and valiant knight in a shining armor come to the picture? That is when the damsel realized that what Belle, Aurora, Ariel and Cinderella taught her was not enough. True love takes more than just the fairytale to last forever.

People often think of love as intimacy, others say love is a decision or a commitment, others believe it is one’s burning passion for another. Marriages fail when couples think of love as either one of the three and marry for only one of these three reasons. Marriages last forever when couples marry because of all the three reasons. These three—intimacy, passion and commitment—are actually the three vital ingredients for consummate love that could stand the test of time. Let’s discuss why marriages with only one or a combination of two of these elements often fail.

Scenario One. You go to a party, meet someone who screams Ian Somerhalder from his intense gaze to the buff body and you’re instantly smitten. He introduced himself to you and you danced the night away. The party ended, you go home, but you can’t sleep, eat, nor stop thinking about him. He sends you an SMS and you get tingles in your spine and butterflies in your tummy. You agree to meet and the whole world seems to stop when you’re together. You’re both inseparable—your longing to be with each other is intense, emotional and exciting! It would kill you to be apart so you get married. This is what we call romantic love. So what’s so bad about it when it seems perfect?

Scenario Two.  You go to the same party and get attracted to your Filipinized Ian Somerhalder. You talked and danced the night away. You go home feeling like you’re in cloud nine. Being with him is like being on a rollercoaster of euphoria and gloom—you get excited and elated but you also get miserable when his replies come late. You decide that you are made for each other—he’s your Mr. Right and you’re his Ms. Perfect-for-Me. Nothing else can compare to the passion you have for each other and so both of you decide to commit yourselves to each other. This is fatuous love.

Scenario Three. You go a same party and get introduced to a Filipino version of Ian Somerhalder. He happens to be almost every girl’s dreamboat—unfortunately just not yours. But since you’re polite, you talk to him and by the end of the night, realize that you have so much in common that both of you could pass as each other’s soulmates! After some more getting-to-know you and secret-sharing, you both realize that you really, really like each other. You decide to commit yourselves to each other, despite the lack of sparks that would have made the perfect icing on the cake of your companionate love.

So why are these three types of love not enough to make marriages last forever? The first two are based on passionate love which can be very tricky. The euphoria and bliss you get as the flames of your burning desire and longing to be with each other can often blind you  into thinking that he or she is “the One” however, no euphoria can last forever (ironically, it’s bad for the body), and the thrill of romance will eventually die. When relationships crumble and couples would say they have “fallen out of love,” then they most likely mistook passion alone as love. After knowing this, we could say that the most ideal love would be Scenario three with its companionate love. As a model of love, it is okay and could be more preferred than the first two since it’s more stable and can even last a lifetime. it's downside is its possible lack of "magic" or "spark." If the burning flames represent passionate love, companionate love is represented by the steady and warm afterglow when the flames will have subsided. It is one of the recipes of a forever-and-always kind of marriage but it is not the most ideal. 

So what is?

Scenario Four. You go to a party, see and get instantly attracted your dreamboat—Ian Somerhalder Pinoy Edition. He asks the host to introduce you to each other as he has the hots for you as well. You spend the rest of the night, talking, dancing and flirting a little. You go home and feel like you’re in cloud nine. You constantly communicate and in the process, get to know each other more, and later, get a deeper understanding, acceptance, and appreciation of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You develop a deep friendship and attachment that is full of attraction and longing to be one. You are not just lovers but best friends to the core yet despite that, the feelings of infatuation you first felt when you saw each other for the first time at that epic party remains to be stronger than ever. Finally you decide to publicly declare your commitment to each other by tying the knot. This is consummate love where all three elements—passion, intimacy, and commitment—are present, and this is the best/most ideal model of love. Couples can bask in the highs and lows of romance and passion with the assurance that when the flames die, the solid foundation of their companionate love will keep the embers of their love warm,  affectionate and still very much alive.

So which love scenario does your current relationship fall under?

Don’t worry if it’s in the first three. Now that you know more about this, use this knowledge to your relationship’s advantage. Knowledge is a very powerful tool to make our lives and lovelives better and more satisfying! On the other hand, if you feel that your current relationship is a scenario four, then you are very blessed and lucky! However, keep in mind that we do not live in a linear world. Love, just like life, is complex and entails a lot of hard work and sacrifice. You may have the ideal model of love now but if you do not constantly work with your partner to not only make your relationship work but also make it better, then your consummate love is not an assurance of your love’s happily ever after. 

Keep loving and never get tired of falling in love over and over again with the same person! 

xoxo,

(Future Doc) Sam

*This musing was written as a tribute to my parents who are celebrating their 25th Silver Wedding Anniversary today and with Sternberg’s tripartite theory of love (1988) in mind

cheers to my folks' 25 years of consummate love <3

Nagsasa Cove Camping Trip

HAPPY CAMPERS (L-R): Via, Mariel, Me, Bianca, Jess, Krisha, Shine

Since my epic move to Manila last May 2012, I haven't been able to soak up the waters of the Northern parts of the Philippines. Being a full time SPED teacher and a full time PHD student, there had to be some trade offs, and one of them is time spent for R and R in my most favorite place in the planet--the beach. Finally, after almost a year of putting off nature and adventure time, I finally had a shot at happiness. My co-teachers and I organized this camping trip. It was going to be a long trip so we decided to sleepover at Bianca's place in Katipunan so we could all wake up early and catch the 5am bus to Iba Zambales. We arrived at the Victory Liner bus station in Caloocan and paid Php 260 for the bus fare. We also had breakfast there and since I have a weak/sensitive stomach, I opted for a cup noodle instead of getting "turo-turo" food. After four and a half hours and three stops, we finally arrived and got off at the municipal hall of San Antonio Zambales. From there, we waited for our contact person to fetch us and bring us to Pundaquit. The tricycle ride to Pundaquit took about 15 minutes and cost us Php30 per person. 

perks of our package:
unlimited free use of the life vest! lol

The bangka ride took an hour. Along the way, we passed by two other coves, Anawangin and Talisayan. By the time we arrived at Nagsasa, it was already lunch time and all of us were famished! We were quiet (this group gets grumpy when the stomach is empty) as we prepared our lunch which consisted of breakfast food (hotdogs and meatloaf, because it took the least effort and time to prepare). Nagsasa Cove is isolated with no electricity and only the basic amenities (a toilet bowl and free flowing fresh water). The deal we got covered the expenses for the boat, the kubo, four tents (each tent was good for two people), 10 gallons of drinking water, one kaldero, a frying pan, 2 bags of charcoal, and an ice bucket with one big block of ice. 

We regained our excitement for the trip long with the satiation of our hunger. The beach bums headed to the beach while the others enjoyed a peaceful and relaxing siesta. 

the hot pink utensils said a lot about our kikay spirits! :) 

Nagsasa Cove was a sight to behold! It was beautiful, peaceful and very relaxing. The view was picturesque--it makes you feel that you're in a different place. For a moment, it made me wonder whether Nagsasa was the epitome of the autumn season. The mountains were brown with patches of green and it had pine tree looking trees that weren't really pine trees. According to local folklore, the native Aetas burn the trees (kaingin) as a form of ritual to the anitos to grant them a good harvest. And it's pretty interesting how, despite the advances in technology and all,  these rituals are still performed. Oh, and it made me really psyched to see Aetas living there too ('twas just a shame I never got to take a photo with them)! Being a Cebuana accustomed to the pristine white sand beaches of Cebu, I was amazed with the fine, sparkling gray sand and the tiny black pebbles with tinges of gold and metallic blue that outlined the cove. Under the bright sun, the sand appeared to be littered with glitters!

the isthmus that connects the river and the sea

i fell in love with the pine tree looking trees 

After soaking up the sun, we headed back to our campsite to prepare our dinner. We felt disappointed seeing the flocks of campers who had arrived and are still arriving. After discovering that Mariel's solar lamp (which was supposedly our main source of light when nighttime comes) was missing/stolen, we hurried up with our cooking. Being a first time camper and with zero experience in scouting, I had no idea how to start a fire and that fanning a burning charcoal will make the flames even bigger! After what seemed like ages, our dinner was ready to be devoured. The menu included grilled pork belly (or what survived of it after being burned, haha), ginataang monggo (which ended up looking like monggo paste and tasting like hospital food), pork steak, and mango-tomato ensalada. After dinner, we paid the locals Php 150 to prepare a bonfire for us while our expert chemists (tanggeras and alcohol mixers) did their thing. We brought out the ingredients for our wholesome midnight snack of smores and our less-than-wholesome drinks. We sang and chatted the night away!The following day, we had a heavy breakfast and spent the rest of the day taking pictures and swimming while waiting for the boat to fetch us. All in all, despite the glitches, the inconveniences and  the inevitable bickering, it was a weekend well spent!

Expenses for each person in Philippine Peso:

700 - round trip boat ride, 2 packs of charcoal, 1 block of ice, ice bucket, cookware, kubo, tent
350 - food for the entire trip

600 - round trip fare (bus and tricycle)

150 - other expenses

TOTAL: 1, 800

If you're into a no-frills nature tripping that is pocket-friendly then Nagsasa Cove is an ideal place to go! 

WARNING--Tendency to be brutally honest *

While I was browsing through the internet for some quotable quotes on Asperger's Syndrome, I bumped into this quote and was reminded of the interesting discussion we had in class with a boy with Asperger's. 

Our first class day of 2013 was spent talking about how the children spent their Holidays, and of course, their year-end evaluations and New Year's resolutions. They were to group themselves into pairs and share with their partners how they've been in 2012 and what are the things they wanted to change or improve in 2013. It was a great experience hearing the kids' very honest self-evaluations.

What I found most striking from this activity was that one of my pupils with Asperger's syndrome shared that he wanted to improve his "socialization." In class, he is typically verbose, often using highfalutin synonyms of words used by his peers. So I asked him what he meant by improving his socialization. He explained that in 2012 he has hurt many of his classmates because he says things which hurt them even though for him those were just his honest opinions. Indeed, one of the features of this disorder is what people would call "brutal honesty" but I was amazed at how much self-awareness he already possessed at this stage, which allowed him to be sensitive of others' feelings. What's even more interesting is his realization that he has caused some of his classmates to be hurt, and that hurting others should be lessened. The social impairment characteristic of this disorder comes from individual's insensitivity and inability to reciprocate socially. This clearly is an improvement for the boy. 

Moments like this take my breath away. I am blessed to be a witness of everyday miracles. :) 

*Quote taken from  website 

My Alpha Male

Here is something I made two years back but published just now. It's hilarious in a very serious way. Enjoy reading! :)

Last night I could not sleep so I decided to write stuff in my doodle book. I initially did not have any particular topic of interest in mind so I let my thoughts linger and finally, a stimulus came in the form of a text message. I wouldn't care to elaborate the contents anymore but it triggered me to write this.

I remember making a poem back in the days when my hair was straight as silk and parted in the middle. I actually I wrote a lot of poems back then and this one particular poem was written much later than most and it was inspired by a blog i read about someone's ideal guy. And so I made my list too in poetry form. I could no longer recall all of its content but I'm pretty sure it was cheesy and fairytale-ish - like how a typical teenage hopeless romantic would describe her ideal Prince.

Two years into the real world, I wonder if that list still holds true. Two years in the workforce, I look at the mirror and see a more mature young woman, full of zest and dreams for the future but now with a more open and practical mind. To call myself jaded is an overstatement. Perhaps I just grew out of my fantasies, and has been struggling to deal with reality - which proves to be not as easy as I've always imagined it to be. So anyway, as I was trying to picture out the kind of partner I want to have, I couldn't help but relate these to my past lessons in Evolutionary Psychology, especially the one about mating preferences.

So what exactly do I hope for in a mate? Here's my latest list.

1. The Funny One. Despite our perpetual bickering, I realized I actually want someone like my dad, minus the tantrums. He is witty, street-mart, and when in the mood, can turn a long and dreary 45 minute drive home way better than one episode of How I Met Your Mother. Papsie's a natural comedian and I'm not surprised why our Mom fell for him. I think I dig that too. I want someone who takes life seriously enough to survive but can still manage to laugh at little things, even at himself. I want someone who can turn angry and sad tears into tears of joy and laughter. I want him to leave me breathless - because I'd be laughing all the time. :)
2. The Mature Child. I want someone who can take the lead - yes, I want the take-charge kind of guy. I know I can be domineering at most times so I want him to be the one to "tame me" and take charge so I would no longer feel the need to do so. But despite being mature and practical, he doesn't forget the child within him who gets excited over surprises, and does not run out of the adventure spirit!
3. The Corny Manly-Man. I can imagine myself being with a man who does not need to constantly prove himself to me or to anybody else for that matter. A manly-man is someone who knows how his strengths and shortcomings and who constantly strives to be a better version of himself everyday. A corny manly-man isn't afraid of making a fool of himself because he knows where he stands.
4. The Dependable, Loyal Bunny. I had the Energizer bunny in mind when I was thinking about this part. Like the Energizer Bunny, I want someone I can depend on. Someone who will take care of me when I can't. Someone who will tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.
5. The Gracious Chevalier. In this age that is marked by a sad poverty of values, I want a man who knows a woman's value and strives to ensure that she is being taken care of, respected, and protected despite knowing that she can very well do it by herself. 
6. The Best Friend. They say that the best foundation of a romantic relationship is friendship. I want my man to be my best friend so that when the fire of passion dies down, there would still be the embers of our friendship that will light and warm up our lives, especially when we get old. 
7. The Respectful One Woman Man. Sharing is good but not when it comes to your life partners. I want someone who can appreciate God's beautiful creation but who also knows his limits. I want someone who respects my dignity as woman and a person.
8. The Promise-Keeper. I was once told to find a man who not only treats me right but who keeps his word. Talk is cheap and promises will only have meaning when you see them coming alive through actions. A lot of men will promise you the universe, but only a few will ever truly try to give it to you.
9. The Goal-Oriented Family Man. I want a man who puts his family before himself. He has great plans for himself and for his family and he commits himself into making these plans a reality.
10. The Man Who Loves Me. Need I say more? 

I am a 22 year old young woman against the billions of men out there. What are the odds that I'll bump into this ideal guy? Probably never, or I probably already have him. ;) 

2012: A Year of Learning

2012 was a rollercoaster ride for me. I’ve had my equal share of ups and downs, successes and failures.  Last year, I chose to leave my comfortable life—my rent-free apartment, my stable job, and the comfort and security of home and being only a few minutes away from family, relatives, and friends—for a life of uncertainty.

The Graduate School abroad that I applied to said that I lacked the experience for the specific field of study I wanted to get into. It broke my heart since I already set my mind into doing that and I spent so much on that application. I felt that I threw my, and some of my uncle’s money, to waste. But my mom told me that it happened for a reason and that I should just try to find out what that reason is instead of sulking. Not long after that, I got news that I got accepted into the PHD Program of UP Diliman’s Psych Department and I was also offered employment in one of the SPED schools that was just a jeepney-ride from UP, and a five-minute walk from my boarding house. It was the perfectly moist chocolate cake I thought I deserved after the years of hard work, but that wasn’t all, it came with a luscious frosting—a full scholarship to boot! My bitterness about the rejection was short-lived.

I moved to Manila early last May and thought everything was going smoothly until June came and I started working with the kids. I’ve had my experience working with children with autism and I thought I was ready for what was about to come but my classroom was not even close to how I imagined it to be. My class has 20 students, only about a quarter of the class did not have any clinical diagnosis and the rest of the three-quarters have AT LEAST one. Compared to the class of 4-5 all with autism I handled in Cebu, I now have 20 kids with different abilities and needs put together in one classroom. Imagine a container filled to the brim with oil and water and the only way the two can be mixed was to constantly shake the container. I am the container—constantly shaken and pressured for things to work out fine. At one point, I asked God if this suffering was my punishment for being too ambitious, for thinking I could do everything I put my heart to. All I wanted was to study but I have to work so I could pay for rent, food, and the other essentials I need to survive. And of all the jobs I could have had, I was given this. I thought it was unfair because as far as I can remember, I wasn’t the type of student who gave my teachers a headache. To make matters worse, the realization that I was alone was slowly creeping in and I finally felt homesick. I felt so alone and unhappy, despite my visits to relatives, bonding times with colleagues and Cebu friends, phone calls home, and Skype dates with the boyfie. The only silver lining that I held on to was the fact that I was partly living my dream of doing my PHD in Diliman. But even that was a source of stressor sometimes. As the lessons were getting harder, I started to question my reason for wanting to be there, and if it was really worth all the trouble.

It was in Manila that I felt so small, so insignificant, and so poor. But it was also there that I felt “big,” concerning myself with adult matters. My first six months there were filled with exhaustion, cynicism, bitterness, and self-pity which I recklessly coped with apathy. I became indifferent, just getting through each day in my now-meaningless life. Unhappiness and dissatisfaction was the air that I breathed. I would rant and complain to anyone who listened.

I was rushing through the months for my well-deserved two-week Christmas vacation. I thought the best way I could deal with this was to just go away and forget about everything. But that was just like morphine to the cancer that caused all the pain. I needed to find the root cause of my misery and do something about it. The times I’ve spent alone allowed me to think about my life and why it seems to be falling apart. And just a couple of days ago, as I was looking through my bookshelves, I found a book my former student gave me and that’s when I realized my mistake. I took independence too literally, and relied too much on myself when in fact, I had no reason to feel alone because He has been with me all the way. That’s it. I was miserable because I lost touch of my personal connection with God. I preoccupied myself too much with worldly caprices that I took for granted the One who has always been there, my one true source of strength.  I am neither misplaced nor punished, as I have made myself believe for the past few months. I have just been blinded and won over by my negativity. I failed to see the opportunities that lay in the seemingly depressing things that were happening to me. I wasted precious time in my meaninglessness and selfishness when I could have used it to become a better person, and to help others become better too.

Last year I prayed for God to teach me to be patient and generous, to help me achieve my dreams, and to protect me and my family. All the things happening to me are, in fact, his answer to my prayers! When I think about it, I learned so many things from my job. Apart from the technical stuff on how I could improve in my craft as a SPED teacher, my students taught me to be patient and selfless. My job requires me to stretch my patience even longer for me to last a day there and for my kids to learn. Most of all, it requires me to give a part of myself. They taught me how to listen more and talk less; praise more and criticize less. They taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and to fail, and that imperfection can be good and beautiful. I was taught humility by the Arrogant people who looked down on me and hurt my feeling and they now serve as reminders of who I should not be. The Scary People who lurked in dark corners and the streets of my new town taught me to be brave yet vigilant. My just enough monetary resources taught me to prioritize and value what is important, to be less materialistic, to make the most of what I have, and that giving becomes more meaningful when you share what little you have. I was also taught by my Boss, one of the best I’ve had so far, how to be a great servant leader by his example. My long distance relationship with my boyfriend taught me that love, more than just the feelings, the dates, the warm embraces that I often miss, is a choice and a commitment two  individuals made to stay together, in spite of their differences and the distance. The struggles I am going through while starting my PHD taught me perseverance and humility. These hardships remind me that nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

God also sent a lot people as his instruments to ensure my safety, survival and happiness—my students, my boss, my colleagues, my friends, my classmates, my mentors, my relatives, even my landlady, her family and her housemaid. But I chose to be blind and deaf to all these as I shut myself out of all these learning opportunities. My kids, like me, are imperfect but they are perfectly happy because they see and interpret the world and its events in its simplicity, using a child’s wisdom. Indeed, a doctorate degree isn’t needed for me to realize how I have been so blessed this year. But I was too stubborn and foolish and I realized this rather late—but as they say, better late than never.

2012 has been another year for me to witness how God works in mysterious ways, and how he never abandons us, even when sometimes our faith falters.  It was a year of pushing extreme limits, of knowing myself better, of experiencing a spectrum of emotions I never knew I was capable of feeling, of being strong and being vulnerable, of learning life lessons I will take to my grave--humility, patience and generosity--of appreciating failures and how they are meant to teach a lesson, of being humbled, of learning from mistakes, and of realizing how much I need God in my life in spite of all the things I thought I could accomplish by myself.

As the year 2013 commences, I, too, will start fresh and see everything with rosier lenses. I have, indeed, learned from my mistakes.  I will make this a better and more productive year by simply keeping my faith strong and steady despite the heavy blows that are to come my way in the next 12 months. I am looking forward to more adventures, more trials that will test my faith and character, and more opportunities to testify how great God truly is. This year, I will give my best in all that I do, whether I like what I’m doing or not, not for my personal satisfaction, but for the benefit of others and for His greater glory. I will complain less and be more grateful. I will see the world through a child’s eyes that are untainted by selfishness, anger and disappointment.  And most of all, I will hold on to my God with a child-like faith that never falters, that never questions but just simply believes. xx

musings on failure and failing

two things i learned last night:

1. failure is a state of mind, ergo,
2. it's okay to fail.

for the past week i've stressed myself enough to feel psychosomatic symptoms because the prospect of failing in one of the most important (if not the most important) aspects of life is so, so close that i could feel it staring so coldly right at me. 

if i'll fail, this would be the very first time i'd fail. but what sucks is i really did give it my best shot and it hurts to know that at this point, my best is not good enough. the other aspects of my life are not at their rosiest as well. i noticed they seem to have this ripple effect that if one screws up, all the rest gets affected. sometimes i can't also help but think whether i bit off more than i can chew. but apparently, these hindsight thoughts are useless since i'm already at this point, and i've risked too much that turning back is no longer an option. i've never been a quitter, too. whiner, yes, definitely, but never a quitter. 

the best advice i was told was that there is no such thing as failure. it is only a state of mind created by people who have not realized that every set back is but a mere learning experience. i should only be sorry for myself if i am unable to learn from the experience of falling. sometimes a fall is necessary for us to realize that we are walking the wrong path, or running too fast that we forget to enjoy the journey. after all, life is not just about the what's and the when's but more importantly, about they how's. it's not the destination but how you got there that matters. therefore, it's okay to stumble and fall--we are all entitled to that. and after the epic fall, we rise again and continue our journey--better and more learned.  

i guess all i need is to remind myself this--constantly. ergo this blog entry. :)