The Secret to Happiness

While sitting in my little corner in the faculty room and taking my usual afternoon cup of coffee a couple of weeks ago, I overheard a student asking one of her favorite teachers in the sweetest, softest voice, "Miss, could you tell me the secret to happiness?" The teacher smiled her sweetest smile too and said that they need to set another date and sit down on that topic.

After almost a year of being in the teaching profession, I realized this: usually, the simple questions are the hardest to answer.

Her question piqued my idle brain's interest and lingered in my thoughts. I got my doodle book and started jotting down ideas. Who knows she might just ask me next, I thought to myself. And so after a few weeks of sitting cold in my doodle book, I finally managed to type it down...just in case that student would google it. ;)

If you want to be happy, you:

• Make an EXTRA effort to be stress-free. You can achieve this by following an efficient and effective time table. Trust me, superb time management skills can help improve your life more than you will ever know. Make sure you manage your time well, giving yourself time to unwind, socialize and be lazy without compromising time for work. Stress is inevitable but the way you handle stress is in your hands. So make sure stress does not take the better of you.
• Surround yourself with happy people. By virtue of the chameleon effect and the power of suggestibility, you act as how others around you act. So hang-out with happy people, and be contagiously happy with them!
• Avoid Grouches at all cost. Grouches are one of those toxic people who are negative, and who suck the fun out of everything like a black hole. They can be definite buzz kills.
• Keep happy thoughts within reach. As Peter Pan would always say, "think happy thoughts so you can fly." Once we entertain negative thoughts, we often ruminate on it and in turn intensify the negative energy. Not really very useful when we're trying to attract positive energy.
• Always see the glass as half-full. In relation to the item above, having a positive outlook in life allows us to see things in a rosier and more hopeful manner. In psychology, an interesting interaction between thoughts, actions and attitudes have been noted for many years now. Banking on the knowledge that thoughts become actions, which eventually become attitude, I would recommend having positive thoughts to end up with positive behaviors and positive attitudes. In this world of despair and chaos, the last thing we need is another negative thought.
• Every night before going to bed, make it a habit to list 3 things, no matter how small or mundane, that you are thankful for. The Bisy Backson in all of us often times forget that what really matters are the small things that we often take for granted. This is a good exercise so as not to forget just how blessed we are to be breathing.
• Reward yourself after accomplishing something, no matter how simple. Studies in Behaviorism show that rewards appear to be more effective than punishment. So instead of punishing yourself for failing to do a particular thing, why not treat yourself to happy food or to a trip to a spa after accomplishing something that consumed a lot of your time and energy? Every effort you give out deserves a pat in the back.
• Face the world with a smile. Flash a smile at random people and see what happens. More often than not, they'd flash a smile back. It is one of the things that make humans very interesting creatures. The upward contraction of your facial muscles somewhat signals your brain to be in a positive state. You can save yourself from the chemicals in cosmetics (not to mention the thousands of pesos you spend to purchase these) by flashing the most natural, charge-free accessory in the world - your megawatt smile.
• LAUGH. Besides smiles, laughters are also just as contagious. So give out as much genuine laughters as you can to share your positivity to others. Studies also show that laughing somehow alters you body chemistry by increasing your T-cells, which strengthens the immune system. Laughing has indeed a lot of benefits, besides making you look younger and more attractive.
• Turn your focus outwards. Focusing too much on yourself, especially when you're going through a bad time, will only make things worse for you - you might even end up being depressed. Sometimes all it takes is for you to look outside and concern yourself with other things besides yourself. Being pre-occupied with other things distracts you from your present agony.
• Think of people going through worse than you. If you feel like Atlas with the world all on your shoulders, just look outside your car and surely you'd see half-naked children on the streets, begging for food, and wishing they were in your position. When we get too consumed with ourselves and our problems - real or imagined - we tend to be oblivious to the many others who are going through so much worse than we are. By putting ourselves in their shoes, let alone being aware of their existence and their current plights, we realize just how lucky we are. This allows us to be grateful for what we have, instead of wallowing in our misery.
• Avoid toxic people! Besides the Grouches, there are still tons of other toxic personalities (like the Narcissist, the Demanding, the Downer, the Parasite, the User-friendly, etc) we should avoid to be happy and psychologically healthy.
• Go natural. When you get too upset or sad, sometimes facing the problem head on will only yield even more undesirable results. So what should you do then? Let nature give you your natural high. You could jog or do some physical activity that'll wake your body up and in turn release endorphins - our body's natural pain killer. You could also induce serotonin rush by taking a little of your favorite dessert.
• Once in a while, look at something beautiful. It could be a breathtaking view, a beautiful face, an artwork - anything and everything that will serve as reminders that no matter how much we are going through now, there are still a lot of more important reasons to live and be happy.
• Know your priorities - and commit to these. Material things can only do so much to make us happy. We have to keep in mind that only REAL PEOPLE can give us the genuine, sustainable happiness that we sometimes misguidedly seek elsewhere (in our work, our material possessions, the wrong people, etc.). So keep your priorities in check and make sure the one that sits on top is a breathing, thinking creature who loves you. :)
• Keep the kid in you alive. When I was a kid, I cannot recall a moment where I wasn't happy for a long time as there were just too many reasons to be happy! When I lost a tooth, there was the Tooth Fairy to look forward to. When I had to run errands and do boring chores instead of play, there was Santa Claus taking note of all the good deeds I did to look forward to at the end of the year. Happiness was very effortless - but years have faded the magic and education has demystified many of the things we believed in as kids. For some, being happy does not come as effortlessly as other people, and so we need to constantly keep the magic coming by not forgetting the kid within us all. The kid in us would effortlessly know how to be happy - the challenge would be how to keep the kid in us alive.
• Do something that will make someone else happy. Sometime this is all it takes. 
• And ultimately, happiness is a CHOICE - so choose to be happy.

I hope that when someone gets down in the dumps, this can help them, and I can be happy.

Cheers!

For all the things that you have given,
for all that you have been,
for all the life lessons you've taught, and experiences you've shared,
for the quiet pride,
for all the laughters (and sometimes tears),
for having faith in us and all our potential,
for bringing us forth to the world,
for raising us in the best possible way,
for wanting only what's best for us,
for all your witty "parable jokes",
for treating us like princesses,
and for staying true, loving, and loyal to your one and only Queen.

On your birthday, we only have one wish for you,
that all your wishes will be granted.

We love you, Papsie!:)

thank heavens v-day is over!

Last Monday, I was suffocated with red and pink frills all over the mall - not to mention all the cheesy music playing in the background. Everywhere I look, I see couples with fluff and frills, and love written all over them. These people who have joined in the bandwagon in supporting, or rather, celebrating the highly commercialized day are disgusting to look at. And yet I kept on looking. And somewhere in the deepest recesses of my almost-jaded self, I felt the slightest tinge of envy.

It was depressing to be drowned in such a state. 

It is quite ironic now since some years ago, I used to be a big fan of Valentines day and all things associated with cheesy, romantic, and mushy. I wrote poems and stories about love and happy ever after. Now all those are merely things of the past. If I want to be truly happy, I need some serious cognitive re-engineering and convince myself that I am not one of those pitiful creatures. My explicit attitudes towards mushy, romantic thingamajiggy may have changed, but the deeper, more profound implicit attitudes are quite difficult to alter. I am still one of those pathetic creatures hoping one day they'd get their first bouquet, first box of chocolates, first surprise romantic date...

I've been telling myself if I really want to be happy and satisfied with my life right now, I should start accepting the fact that these roses, chocolates, love notes and sweet nothings will never come anytime soon - unless I take another path. In most of the choices we make, there are always trade offs. I'm just quite sad, all my high school girl's fantasies had to be the trade off for the life I have now. 

I'm generally happy but I think my life now kind of lacks the sparks, the excitement, the euphoria that characterizes one's twenty-something years. I most definitely have the cake - dark, moist, rich, and filling - but perhaps what's missing is the icing. I guess we can't have it all after all. 

Welcom to the Fine City

01/14/11

I woke up at 4AM, took a shower and put on my favorite tank top and my sister's fuchsia hoodie. The day before was spent making lecture notes for my classes, and three sets of test questions for the students' midterm exams. Yes, that was supposed to burn me out, but no - I was energized and upbeat (think Energizer bunny energized). I was about to have one big adventure that I'll remember for life.

My family drove me and my cool aunt to the airport. An hour and a half from boarding time, we were all set. Destination: Singapore.

It was the first time that my aunt and I got to travel abroad so we were pretty excited. We got to Changi Airport 20 minutes before the ETA so with the Energizer bunny's energy and Dora the explorer's spirit, we were ready to explore Singapore! We took a bunch of street maps from the airport and headed out. With nothing but our cousin's home address, we took a teksi (the ordinary one) and told friendly Mr. Cabby where we wanted to go - and he brought us there after entertaining us along the way.

We took the lift going up to the tenth floor and just as we were going out of the elevator, we knew at once that the door right across was our place - the air was thick with the aroma of adobo. YUM!

After having a hearty lunch prepared by our hosts for our four-day vacation, the Li family, and after being told where to go and which trains to take (by that time, nothing really sinked in and I just nodded and pretended that I understood what they were saying), we headed out to the train station to get a local sim card and MRT cards. And we were by ourselves.

I sure felt like a pre-schooler - curious and excited. We asked for people directions and Singaporeans proved to be a really helpful & friendly bunch. We made our way to Snow City with little trouble. In the Philippines, it's summer all year long so it was a really refreshing idea to get to experience snow, or a least what it felt like to be in the snow. It was FREEZING! despite wearing demin jeans and double sweaters, the chill still permeated and felt like needles. But I could care less about the pain  - it was fun playing in the artificial snow, tubing and all.

After Snow City and taking snaps from the Science Center, we headed towards one of the busiest centers in Singapore, Chinatown! This time it was much busier with the upcoming Chinese New Year. Everywhere you see red and gold, which symbolizes wealth and good fortune! The Chinese are blessed with a very rich Culture indeed. Not only that, if you're looking for bargain and cheap souvenirs, this is the place to go. You have to buy in bulk, though. But if you come from a highly collective community such as the Philippines this is a great place since many people from back home will be expecting pasalubongs, or souvenirs, even if you only went out of the country for few days. :) We scoured the place for more goodies to buy and sights to capture when we came into one interesting spectacle. Right in the middle of Chinatown stood a golden Hindu temple. It had a tower-like decor filled with their Hindu gods. It was such an awesome sight to behold! And take note, it stood in the middle of the very busy business and merriment town. So I guess you don't really need total silence to commune with your God - for as long as the heart is there. 

After cheap shopping, we decided it was time to let our eyes feast on the more luxurious strip of shopping centers. Destination: Orchard Road. With the help of our EZ Link cards, we got there fast and without breaking a sweat. We posed outside the big labels like Prada, Dior, Armani, & LV. Never even bothered to queue to go in those classy shops. Those shops intimidated me for a bit, to be honest - I felt like a rifraf. But anyhow, it was a nice experience to see nice shops - a reminder that if I work hard enough, it won't be long until those shops would no longer intimidate me. :) When we met my aunt's friend, Richard, we had our first gastronomic experience in Singapore. He bought us dinner and introduced to us one of  SG's staples, chicken rice. Delicioso!

After dinner, we did some more shopping. I bought ballet flats for me and my sister at a discounted rate of S$30, which isn't bad at all. For those of you who plan to shop at Singapore, be sure to present your passport prior to purchasing your goods so you can avail of tax-exemption and enjoy tax-free shopping. Take note that most shops usually require a minimum of S$100 single receipt so be sure to check with the guest services what their procedure is. We were not aware of this and so we weren't able to enjoy the 7% off GST. :( After shopping, we took the train back to Yishun and walked from the train station going back to our cousin's flat. Take note, we were walking on the street at around 12 midnight, but we felt safe. It's a welcomed change. Back home, we would never dare walk out in the dark! 

When we got home, I felt satisfied and happy. Our day one, which was started around 2 in the afternoon, felt like a looooong day, and we could feel the adventure in our bodies. Pama-ul galore! 

Fundamental Attribution Error

Have you ever experienced being reunited with a good friend after months and months of separation? Exciting, right? That is exactly how I felt when I was given the chance to meet up with a friend I used to hang-out with a lot. The excitement lasted until we got talking, and then even more talking--when  realized I do not know the person anymore.

We used to share stories, experiences, ups and downs, and so much more back in the days when our hairs were silk-straight and parted evenly in the middle. Back then, I knew she had a problem with people but she was my friend, and so I accepted her and loved her in spite of everything. I often found myself defending her from people who could not understand her eccentricities. It is a known fact that she was never really the people person but I totally got where she was coming from before and thought she was okay. But now, after hearing her say this and that about things made me wonder why we ever became friends back then when she was the epitome of the person I would most likely avoid now--the selfish, demanding, cynical, ego-depleting, fun-sucking, hope-crushing toxic people Positive Psychologists warned me about.

The ice cream we shared that afternoon left a bitter taste in my mouth. Has she changed THAT much within the times we were apart? Or was it I who changed?

I feel very ambivalent. If, indeed, it was she who has changed then I feel so sorry for her that even after all these years, her vision remains myopic and self-centered. I thought the years of education has somehow helped her broaden her horizon a little, like it did mine. Apparently, it didn't. On the other hand, if it is I who changed, then I can say that I might have done justice, after all, to the taxpayers who subsidized my education. But still, I shiver at the possibility that I used to be exactly like her...and I just grew out of it while she remained stuck in that phase. Gosh, did I use to be this appalling before too? Shame.

I used to be quite judgmental and sometimes I think i still am BUT I'm most definitely sure this has been toned down. I was so much worse before. I'm not sure if this commentary has anything to do with me still possessing that trait (which was triggered by the conversation) or we had just been apart for so long to the point that we have grown apart. Maybe it's me, or maybe she has really changed dramatically in a negative way.

Or perhaps, she just had a very bad day.

bucket list for 2011

The year 2010 had been a great year, and 2011 will be so much better! This bucket list will help me rock 2011. Yes, things don't always go exactly how you planned them to be, as plans may be malleable, but it is always good to have one than none at all. If by chance you lose your way, your plans would help you get back on track. So here are the things I wish to get, fulfill, and achieve in 2011.

1. Travel - locally and internationally. This year I am setting my eyes on Singapore (of which i already have tickets to. Yay!) and Hong Kong. And of course, I have a longer list of places to go to in the Philippines. After all, it would be such a shame to travel a lot abroad without even seeing and tasting what my own precious Pilipinas has to offer. So this year, my local trips should include: Bantayan, Cagayan de Oro, Siargao, Davao and Siquijor. Of course, the thrills like white-water rafting, bungee jumping, and zip-lining, that are found in the places I want to go to are included in my list. 
2. Skills. Improving oneself should never be off anyone's bucket list. This year, I have to be physically, cognitively and emotionally prepared to do the following: blogging (whoa, I guess this should be off my list now), surfing, and ballroom dancing!
3. Languages. One of the things that is vital to our survival is communication, and knowing more than necessary has never been so bad. To enhance my English speaking skills, I'm planning to join Toastmasters club with a co-teacher. I am hopeful that I will have the time and money to join their regular meetings to improve and polish my English. This year, to enrich my new passion for Special Education, I have decided to master at least the basics in Braille and the American Sign Language. I've already sort of started learning late last year with a classmate in grad school. Hopefully this year we would be more serious and dedicated about this and learn a lot more than we did last year.
4. Grad school apps. Right now, I am sort of side-tracking from my original field of interest which is Psychology. I am taking up another major for my Master's degree. I had a lot of things in mind when I applied for this program and so now that I am almost done with it, I would have to go back to my first choice. I would need to look into my options here and abroad for Psych MA degrees. In line with this, I was supposed to take the TOEFL & GRE last year but because of the many surprises last year, I had to postpone it indefinitely and hopefully this year I would really have the time to prepare and take them.
5. Fitness. I will go back to jogging twice a week and lifting not-so-heavy weights, not even to lose weight but just so I would have not be so sedentary and develop all these lifestyle illnesses, which can be avoided with just a little sweating. In addition, I also aim of participating in at least three running events...even though what I do is mostly just jog and walk. :)
6. Volunteer work. A former college batch mate of mine who studied Political Science now works in an NGO and late last year, he asked me if I wanted to do some volunteer work with the kids and the women. I never really heard from him. I will make sure that I will bugger him for details so that before the end of the first quarter of this year, I could start serving and giving back to the community that helped shape me into the person I am today.
7. Life's little pleasures. Ever since I graduated, I had always dreamed of getting a class ring but two years after switching my sablay in the opposite direction, that still has not happened. And so, despite all my travel plans, I hope to still spare extra moolah to get my class ring at the end of the year.
8. Extra job & save. My list looks very ambitious, even to me. One way it can be realistic is if I have the funding I need to make all these possible. I am already very blessed with my job now...but it would not hurt to moonlight (maybe home-based/part time) to help in paying the bills. :)

With a bucket list full of ideas and hopes, a sound mind and a relatively able body, I shall conquer 2011 with a smile in my face!:)