Today, I woke up cranky, with a headache, and in a depressed mood. I had a few helping of self-pity, confusion, insecurity, and bitterness for breakfast. If I wanted to be productive today, I had to raise up my mood a few notches higher. So I went through my blog and started reading. My mood changed when I started reading the very first post I made. I was a to-do list for the year 2011 which I wrote on the first few days of the new year 2011. I smiled at the realization that despite having some items still untouched, I have accomplished more items in the list, and couple more things that were not even included in the list.
I was able to travel to one international destination and to only two local destinations. For the summer, I spent a week in my new favorite isla, Siargao, to discover the place and try surfing. In the middle of the year, I went to Iloilo and had a side trip to Guimaras to do something I only dreamt of doing in the past (more on this in the next paragraph). And just before the year ended, I went back to Siargao, and this time, I spent more time surfing than my last visit. I also learned to be independent there and got myself new friends, in addition to getting to know and appreciate my sister even more.
I mentioned I went to Iloilo sometime in August to do something important. That important thing was to present a research paper to a national Psychology convention. It was such a cool and unexpected experience that was not even in my 2011 bucketlist. I have the Lord to thank for, and of course, my former Dean of College, who encouraged and really pushed me to submit my paper. Her confidence in me and my work gave me the courage to submit and later on, present in a ballroom full of the Philippines' psychologists! This was probably one of the highlights of my year and my career!
Although I wasn't able to stick to my blogging and fitness to-do's until the end of the year, I still occasionally
blog and jog. I also bought two dumbbells which I use when I remember. But I strategically placed them in a shelf where I can see them everyday so I will have no choice but to lift them for a few minutes a day. I also wasn't able to learn a new language nor improve my Braille, but I have next year to do these.
For item #5 in my 2011 list, I was able to successfully send the PHD applications to one local and three international universities. Boy, was it an experience! Not only was it so expensive (I now have debts to pay off), but also stressful and nerve-racking. I had to set aside a lot of social and R & R activities to spend more time studying and bugging former professors for recommendations, asking--wait, I think the most appropriate term would be begging--people to help me especially in ironing out the financial aspects of this endeavor. But then again, I am so blessed to have people around me who are unselfish and generous enough to not just encourage but also help me succeed and prosper like them. I will be eternally grateful to all these people. The experience is not over yet, as I am still in the process of waiting for a reply from them - a process which I wasn't able to anticipate but appears to be even more stressful and nerve-racking than preparing & taking those exams. But anyway, I am still proud that I was able to conquer my fears and apprehensions and gave the application (which I had been postponing) a go.
In the earlier part of the year, I did some volunteer work with prostituted girls. I gave a talk on communication with them. I also gave a talk about mental retardation to nursing students. I tagged my mom along in both speaking engagements. It's always a comfort to have her around. Her presence gives me strength because it reassures me that even if I screw up, she will still be my number 1 fan.
This year, I also moved out of my parents' house and stayed on my aunt's aunt's old house near my workplace at Epond. I'd like to look at this experience as a hint from God that I will be getting even more independent soon (sooo, exciting!). I learned a lot of life's lessons with my almost half a year of being semi-independent (semi coz my mom still does my laundry and brings my dinner). Last December, I also finished paying the orange ref in the Epond house that I co-own with my dad and though I wasn't able to get a class ring, I still got myself a "golden" something last Christmas. :) Lastly, due to my very hectic and toxic schedule for 2011, I wasn't able to get an extra job but I was able to save a little. I opened a new bank account and swore to never withdraw from the amount I have and will still be depositing there ever, no matter what (except for really important, life-or-death reasons).
Looking at myself now still makes me feel small and unaccomplished and poor. But when I started making this progress report, I felt better and better knowing that even if I am still small, less accomplished, and poor, if i look back at what I was the year before, I can really say that I have progressed, even if the progress is just in small increments. Today, I am slightly bigger (figuratively and literally), more accomplished, and less poor than I was a year ago. At the end of the day, it's always good to make it a habit to look at what you have instead of what you don't, tobe thankful and grateful for all that you have, and to make these your motivation to become even better.
This 2012, I want to become better. I want to continue what I have started in the previous year, and to hopefully accomplish my secret dreams, which I am still not ready to reveal as of the moment. These dreams are so special and sought for and right now, I will end with a positive vision that in 2013, I will be writing about how awesome 2012 was for it has brought be a step (or if I'm really lucky, a few steps) closer to my dreams. VIVA, 2012! :D
