Fundamental Attribution Error

Have you ever experienced being reunited with a good friend after months and months of separation? Exciting, right? That is exactly how I felt when I was given the chance to meet up with a friend I used to hang-out with a lot. The excitement lasted until we got talking, and then even more talking--when  realized I do not know the person anymore.

We used to share stories, experiences, ups and downs, and so much more back in the days when our hairs were silk-straight and parted evenly in the middle. Back then, I knew she had a problem with people but she was my friend, and so I accepted her and loved her in spite of everything. I often found myself defending her from people who could not understand her eccentricities. It is a known fact that she was never really the people person but I totally got where she was coming from before and thought she was okay. But now, after hearing her say this and that about things made me wonder why we ever became friends back then when she was the epitome of the person I would most likely avoid now--the selfish, demanding, cynical, ego-depleting, fun-sucking, hope-crushing toxic people Positive Psychologists warned me about.

The ice cream we shared that afternoon left a bitter taste in my mouth. Has she changed THAT much within the times we were apart? Or was it I who changed?

I feel very ambivalent. If, indeed, it was she who has changed then I feel so sorry for her that even after all these years, her vision remains myopic and self-centered. I thought the years of education has somehow helped her broaden her horizon a little, like it did mine. Apparently, it didn't. On the other hand, if it is I who changed, then I can say that I might have done justice, after all, to the taxpayers who subsidized my education. But still, I shiver at the possibility that I used to be exactly like her...and I just grew out of it while she remained stuck in that phase. Gosh, did I use to be this appalling before too? Shame.

I used to be quite judgmental and sometimes I think i still am BUT I'm most definitely sure this has been toned down. I was so much worse before. I'm not sure if this commentary has anything to do with me still possessing that trait (which was triggered by the conversation) or we had just been apart for so long to the point that we have grown apart. Maybe it's me, or maybe she has really changed dramatically in a negative way.

Or perhaps, she just had a very bad day.