thank heavens v-day is over!

Last Monday, I was suffocated with red and pink frills all over the mall - not to mention all the cheesy music playing in the background. Everywhere I look, I see couples with fluff and frills, and love written all over them. These people who have joined in the bandwagon in supporting, or rather, celebrating the highly commercialized day are disgusting to look at. And yet I kept on looking. And somewhere in the deepest recesses of my almost-jaded self, I felt the slightest tinge of envy.

It was depressing to be drowned in such a state. 

It is quite ironic now since some years ago, I used to be a big fan of Valentines day and all things associated with cheesy, romantic, and mushy. I wrote poems and stories about love and happy ever after. Now all those are merely things of the past. If I want to be truly happy, I need some serious cognitive re-engineering and convince myself that I am not one of those pitiful creatures. My explicit attitudes towards mushy, romantic thingamajiggy may have changed, but the deeper, more profound implicit attitudes are quite difficult to alter. I am still one of those pathetic creatures hoping one day they'd get their first bouquet, first box of chocolates, first surprise romantic date...

I've been telling myself if I really want to be happy and satisfied with my life right now, I should start accepting the fact that these roses, chocolates, love notes and sweet nothings will never come anytime soon - unless I take another path. In most of the choices we make, there are always trade offs. I'm just quite sad, all my high school girl's fantasies had to be the trade off for the life I have now. 

I'm generally happy but I think my life now kind of lacks the sparks, the excitement, the euphoria that characterizes one's twenty-something years. I most definitely have the cake - dark, moist, rich, and filling - but perhaps what's missing is the icing. I guess we can't have it all after all.