A German professor of Psychology I met last month hypothesized that the reason why Filipinos prefer to work abroad is, contrary to popular belief, not at all about money or anything economic for that matter. To a certain degree, I agreed with him on this and tried to guess that the reason was social in nature. I mean, if it's not economic, then it has to be social. I explained to him that saying you work abroad, no matter how crappy and low-brow your work there is, has a certain kind of appeal that captures many of the Filipinos. For many Filipinos, working abroad carries with it a certain degree of prestige, regardless of what kind of job you do there. I was so sure that was what he was thinking, but he merely pursed his lips and gave polite smile.
I wasn't ready for what he said next.
He actually believes Pinoys leave the home base to get away from the intricate interconnections (and perhaps the firm hold?) of the family. Are you kidding me? Who wants to get away from family? It was hard to digest at first for someone who came from and grew in a highly collectivist culture, where I converse daily with family and meet weekly with relatives for dinners and such. It felt like blasphemy to me! From what I understood, the family is like a vase that sits on a pedestal at the core of the Filipino psyche such that it controls so much of one's life, sometimes even to the extent that it limits your chances of self-actualizing. I left the dinner unconvinced and disappointed for my inability to provide a potent counter-argument right there and then.
Well, after all, it was just his hypothesis. It doesn't have to be true.
Weeks passed and I never thought about that conversation with the professor until recently when a window of opportunity opened. I was accepted to a graduate program from my dream school which was an hour and 10 or so minutes from my home, by plane. It meant I had to leave my family and comfort zone to pursue that dream. If it was all up to me, I wouldn't think twice about leaving. Heck, you don't get acceptance letters everyday from your dream school, do you? But I know for a fact that not everything is up to me. I have other things to consider, and most importantly, other people to consider.
Being the eldest in the family, I was so used to discussing plans with family and relatives. I had to get their approval first before I did anything else. And it turned out not all of them were very happy with my choice. My mother initially thought it was irrational of me to even consider leaving the comforts of home when I can get a similar degree in town, where we can all be just within reach. A few others who knew about my situation expressed their concerns. And at a certain point, I felt sad. I felt so torn between two things very dear to me! It took a while for me to convince my folks that what I want to do is the right thing to do. I explained that the only way I can ever know how far I can fly is to leave my nest. Sure, it's going to be difficult in the beginning to fly with wings that have been so used to the comfort and pampering of the nest. But in time, I'm pretty sure it will develop muscles, grow stronger and take me farther.
And then the conversation with the professor came to mind out of nowhere. Now I finally understood where he was coming from although I still don't totally agree with him. Perhaps it is true that we leave our own nests not for economic gains, however, we don't also leave to get away from the the influence of the family. It's just impossible to get away from the family for I know no matter where I go, whether I am a meter or a thousand kilometers away from home, my family will remain where it has always been, in my heart. I will leave, not necessarily for the freedom, but for the independence that goes with freedom. I do not wish to be separated with my family, but I wish to have wings strong enough to fly on my own.
At the end of the day, it is not our mothers, our fathers, nor anyone else for that matter who decide for us. They can only do so much to guide us and give suggestions. We still decide for ourselves in the end. We are the ones who suffer the consequences, we are the one who will reap the glory. Although we share our joys and trials with them, we still own our ups and downs. At the end, an empowered individual makes his or her own decisions and sticks by them. I am choosing to go, not to get away from it all, but to see things through a different, much bigger lens, and yes, to grow wings.
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